Episode Description:
In this episode of What If For Authors, Claire asks the question: What if I’m a perfectionist? She breaks down the myth of “perfect,” explores how each Enneagram type approaches perfectionism differently, and offers practical ways to challenge the illusion of control that perfectionism creates.
If you’ve ever stalled out because your draft “wasn’t good enough,” obsessed over tiny details at the expense of joy, or secretly feared that one mistake could ruin everything—you’ll find both relief and encouragement in this conversation.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why the concept of “perfection” is made up—and how that realization can set you free
How idealism (a beautiful quality) can twist into painful perfectionism
The hidden childhood lessons that might have taught you mistakes weren’t safe
Why perfectionism doesn’t produce perfect books—it produces stuck authors
How each Enneagram type disguises perfectionism in its own way
Why publishing a book will always feel vulnerable (and why that’s good news)
A simple practice to start loosening perfectionism’s grip today
Takeaway Challenge:
Make one mistake on purpose this week—and leave it there. Whether it’s leaving a typo in a draft, breaking one of your own “rules,” or letting something slide without fixing it, notice what happens. Is it really the catastrophe your perfectionism promised? Or is it… nothing at all?
Support the Show:
If this episode gave you permission to breathe a little deeper, please share it with another author who could use the same relief. You can also support the show by leaving a review wherever you listen—it helps more perfectionist authors find their way here.
Want to go deeper? Visit liberatedwriter.com to explore Claire’s coaching, courses, and books designed to help authors thrive without perfectionism weighing them down.
Happy writing!
TRANSCRIPT:
Claire: [00:00:00] Welcome back to another episode of What If For Authors. I'm so glad you're here. My name's Claire Taylor and I'm an Enneagram certified coach for authors as well as a humor and mystery writer. All my services courses and books for authors can be found@liberatedwriter.com. Go check it out. If you're curious about how you can build a more sustainable author career in uncertain times.
So full disclosure, before we get into it, I did just injure my foot. Like 10 minutes ago, and it's throbbing a lot. It hurts really bad, but I'm gonna try and do what I can for this episode. Uh, the show must go on and I don't think anything's broken. It was a mishap with my dog, Bo, who is, um, I think he has an addiction to, , like tennis balls or like the check it balls.
And so I was. Hopping off the patio as he was dropping the ball to me and then lunging for it himself and my foot [00:01:00] and his, , mouth made unfortunate contact. Anyway, that's neither here nor there, just that's, just know that I am doing my best today. And it may not be what you're familiar with, but we're gonna, we're gonna give it a go, or who knows, maybe I'll absolutely lock in because of this foot thing.
We'll see.
Life happens, right? Okay. So if you're familiar with the Enneagram, you may believe that today's episode is only for the type ones out there, sometimes called the perfectionists, sometimes also called the reformers. You know, other things, they're all kinds of names for it, but perfectionist is one. So perfectionism gets slapped on the ones and not wrongfully.
So that being said, we each have all nine types inside of us, and if one is high for you, even if it's not your dominant type or you grew up with a one overlay of some kind, I think you'll really get something out of this episode where we ask the question, what if I'm a [00:02:00] perfectionist?
Perfectionist authors tend to suffer quite a bit, which is why I love working with them in a coaching capacity. I don't love when people are suffering, obviously, but what I love is how much relief is ahead of the perfectionists. I work with so much relief. Ones in particular tend to get the most relief out of any of the types when they start to work on this liberation stuff because.
They're really white knuckling life every day. These reformers, these perfectionists, uh, perfectionism will leave anyone so tightly wound that they could break at any second. So let's talk about that and start seeking some relief from it.
So, yeah, it's you that's making you miserable. It's not the world around you that's making you miserable. And now that's great news because it means you don't need to change the world. You don't need the world to change itself, something that you don't actually have control over.
You don't [00:03:00] need that to begin enjoying life and your author career much, much more. So that's great.
Okay, so let's get at perfectionism a little bit to start with. The idea of perfectionism is made up the whole perfect versus imperfect is a totally manmade concept and one that's almost always used as a control or defense mechanism. So let's sit with that for just a second. If you've never considered that the idea of perfection is made up, let's just sit with it.
What does it mean for your life that perfection doesn't exist? What does it feel like in your body to sort of toss that I idea around? Does it relax you? Does it leave you feeling panicked? Does it make you angry? Why do you think. I could honestly end the episode right here and just have you follow this line of questioning down, down, down until you reach some sort of a [00:04:00] breakthrough.
But I'll offer a little more to chew on in case you just can't connect with the idea of there not being, uh, such thing as perfection yet. It's a big upheaval for a perfectionist. I admit that. Now, if you're religious, you might be thinking, well, Claire, God is perfect. Right? Sure. But what's that got to do with you?
So you may reply with, well, Claire, God made us in his image. Okay, then what are you worried about? If God is perfect and you're in his image, then by your own logic, you don't have to be or do anything to be perfect. There's frankly no amount of type of free books you can publish that's gonna top the work of your creator.
Right? At the heart of perfectionism is a belief, usually a subconscious one, that we know what right looks like, that we know what [00:05:00] perfection looks like, and this what we're looking at right now. It ain't it. Now it's incredibly important to take a moment and humble ourselves here. So what if we don't know what perfection looks like?
What if our idea to make something better, to improve ourselves, others, and the world around us is totally made up? What if our impulse to improve things isn't born out of a superior knowledge of how things are lacking and need to be fixed, but rather is a result of our fear that we aren't good enough?
But so long as we know how other things also aren't good enough, maybe we're not so broken after all. What if our need to fix and improve things comes from a simple need to feel in control of things that are outside of our control? What if our drive to be perfect is a trick to avoid feeling certain emotions rather than say any sort of [00:06:00] God-given responsibility.
Any perfectionists listening. Might want me to end the episode here so I don't keep coming for them. Sorry. Not gonna happen. The only way out from under the thumb of perfectionism is to call it out for what it really is. I'm not calling you out, I'm calling out the pattern. We can do that together without it necessarily meaning anything about who we are.
Perfectionism. Often results from something that's quite beautiful, which is idealism. So society needs people to be able to envision a better future. Duh, right? In the immortal words of Franken Ferter, doctor Franken Ferter. Don't dream it, be it. Idealists can do both. Idealists can see a better future and understand that there's no need to wait.
That to be a better person, to be a better friend, citizen, father, trained, conductor, [00:07:00] whatever. You simply be it. So there's a quote that's often attributed to a famous type one ham Gandhi, but which he never actually said, and that goes be the change you wish to see in the world. It's a beautiful thing when someone lives within their integrity and lives in their values in this way to be the change that they wish to see in the world.
Idealism can very easily turn into frustration if we're not careful. It's like, ugh, I'm living totally in accordance with my values. I'm not participating in all these fun things that don't align with what I think a good person would do. And still, the world is not following my perfect example and shaping up.
What the fuck now idealism. Can turn into resentment too. Um, that looks like when you see that those around you aren't trying as hard as you are to be [00:08:00] perfect.
If you find yourself experiencing resentment, congrats. It sucks, but it's totally within your control to let it go. Once you notice it, you just have to stop asking yourself to be so damn on top of shit. Allow yourself to participate in some indulgences that others are allowing themselves. And now that's easier said than done, right?
Because there's a good chance that if you're a perfectionist, you've learned somewhere along the line that you aren't given nearly as much leeway as other people to make mistakes. Is that true? Think about that for a second. Is that something that you learned?
Did you learn that everyone else gets to mess up and it's not a big deal, but when you let things slide, everyone attacks you or everything collapses? Is that something that you feel like you've carried with you? I'm gonna call a time out here, because if that resonates with you, I think it's worth pausing and asking yourself where [00:09:00] you learned that.
It was probably really early on in life, so maybe you had a parent or a teacher who was extra hard on you, or maybe you were so on top of things as a kid that when you screwed up, which all kids do, it elicited a strong reaction of shock from the adults around you, and you took that to mean it was extra unacceptable for you to mess up the way other people did.
Just take a minute and think about that. Sit with that. Notice whatever emotions may come up when you think about that.
Perfectionists often feel like if they make a mistake. Everything will come crumbling down. One mistake leads to a total downfall. You can see how this high stake scenario can really lead to stress. One bad book will ruin their career. One missed release date will ruin their following. One poor sales month is a harbinger of the end. This is almost always not true. [00:10:00] What I do find to be pretty reliable though, is that the pattern of perfectionism results from avoiding particular feelings.
. So one strategy for avoiding feelings and the one perfectionist usually default to is taking on way too much responsibility to create a valid reason for never slowing down long enough to confront those unpleasant feelings. So in this way, yeah, there are a lot of plates spinning and if one falls, it might trigger such an intense emotional response from the perfectionist that they cannot maintain all the other projects.
But this is a self-constructed experience. So there are ways we can stop falling into this pattern so that mistakes not only are lower stakes, but can start to feel that way.
And maybe you'll even find that the things you call mistakes just aren't. A lot of it starts with emotional work [00:11:00] though, and you know, depending on how that unravels for you individually, this might be something that one-to-one coaching would be better suited for than a single podcast episode that, you know, unfortunately I have to paint with somewhat of a broad brush.
As an author, there is no situation in which perfection is required. I did watch this one documentary about, I think it was launching the James Webb Space Telescope, and the leader of the mission was for sure a perfectionist, like the most perfectionistic perfectionist. It was a joy to watch, honestly, as a, as a recovering perfectionist.
It was a joy to see someone, , just absolutely perfection the hardest. , but I think an argument could be made. That in that specific position, perfectionism to some extent could be useful, like a billion dollars or whatever, writing on the launch of this telescope that people have spent years of their lives working [00:12:00] on, and any tiny mistake or overlooked detail could mean catastrophic failure, an eye for detail and relentlessly high standards is probably called for in this case, although I would argue that perfectionism is more.
A product of anxiety than truly high standards and an eye for detail. But now imagine that someone like this, not this particular person leading up this big project, but someone like this with just such intense perfectionism that somehow pays off in their job. Imagine them leaving work and going home to their spouse and family.
Oof. Ugh. Relationships do not thrive under these intense patterns. Perfectionism does not help relationships thrive. Perfectionism only ever hurts relationships. The thing is, as an author, no matter how big your business [00:13:00] gets, it will not blow up upon launch if it's not perfect. Now your nervous system may not realize this.
Maybe you had a parent who would blow up upon launch if you made a, a tiny mistake and you're still walking on eggshells as a result, sort of echoes of that, or maybe you made a mistake once that led to some pretty harsh consequences that you don't wish to repeat. Fine. We can still be careful, diligent, and detail oriented without being perfectionistic, and the results tend to be better.
When we're that way because we're able to see clearly and without the narrow blinders that perfectionism forces us to wear.
So let's talk about how perfectionism says it's doing one thing in our career, but doesn't actually do that thing, and instead does something really ugly that we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy. You might be thinking, Claire, why are you spending so much time on showing how imperfect I am? The thing with perfectionism is [00:14:00] that you really can't give it any oxygen.
The first step to dismantling it in your life is understanding that it's not actually doing you any favors. We wouldn't torture ourselves this way if we didn't think it had a desirable payoff. So I'm here to show you that it's pretty much all bad news.
For authors, perfectionism is like tying sandbags on your ankles before running a marathon. It manifests in unfinished drafts, broken promises, giving up before you start in flexibility and burnout. Just, just to start. What it doesn't manifest in is a perfect book. And how do I know this? Can you even define a perfect book?
Now, two perfectionists will define it two different ways. So what might that tell us? Have you ever read a perfect [00:15:00] book? I haven't, but I've read some fantastic books that I enjoyed the hell out of that made me want to read more of that series or more from that author. So right now I'm reading Liberation Day by George Saunders and these short stories are each, so.
Good. In my opinion, it kind of makes me wanna hang up my hat as a writer. You know, I haven't found any typos in this edition, but it doesn't mean there are none now. Does that make it a perfect book? No typos. I've read plenty of uninteresting books that had no typos. I've also read plenty of engaging books with typos.
Same with plot holes. There are plot holes in the Lord of the Rings, y'all, I hate to say it. Uh, and there's not many sure, but they're still there. Game of Thrones, potholes, Harry Potter, lots of plot holes. Star Wars. Good Lord. The plot holes with Star Wars, they're almost endless at this point, but people still love it.
So what is a perfect book? Even mean, what do we mean by [00:16:00] that? What does a perfect author look like? And who made you the one to know that when others don't? Right. So it's really important that we don't let our perfectionism hide behind feeling like we are objectively able to define what's perfect. Even our opinion of what might be perfect is subjective, and so that can help humble us a little bit.
Two perfectionists will not agree on what perfect looks like, and most of us have this nebulous idea of perfection that we kind of feel like well all know it when I see it, and we never see it. So we're never feeling comfortable to just stop and say, this is good enough. So now that may sound mean right, to really call you out, but I'm trying to show you here.
You're off the hook for being perfect. You're off the hook.
A lot of times when I work with authors who are stuck on their book, the problem boils down to [00:17:00] perfectionism and now each type uses this sort of perfectionism for their own purpose and has a different version of it. So one's the reformers, they wanna find the perfect way to write the book so they're not criticized.
Two's the helpers. Wanna find the perfect way to write the book so they're loved by their readers. Threes the achievers wanna find the perfect way to write the book so that it sells and makes them successful. Fours, the individualists wanna find the perfect way to write the book so it stands out and doesn't seem ordinary or unoriginal.
Fives. The investigators wanna find the perfect way to write the book so it's factually accurate and they don't face ridicule. Sixes. The loyalists wanna find the perfect way to write the book so that it follows the rules and they feel confident that they're doing it right. Sevens the enthusiasts wanna find the perfect way to write the book so that the process has no pain involved.
Eights the challengers wanna find the perfect way to write the book so that they don't make themselves vulnerable to attacks are [00:18:00] being blindsided. Nines, the peacemakers wanna find the perfect way to write the book so that they don't offend anyone or rock the boat. We all want to believe that there's a needle we can thread that allows us to avoid feeling the things we don't want to feel, but eventually, sooner than later, we come up against a situation where there is no needle, there is no threading.
We have to just pick a path that means something to us, that offers us something worth the pain and accept that the pain will find us. But first we really do have to sit with the reality that sometimes there is no needle to thread. Sometimes there is no path forward toward your goal that doesn't require you to feel the things you've been avoiding.
For some that might be anger, embarrassment, or sadness for others, it might be powerlessness or rejection. Maybe you're doing everything in your power to write a book that offers zero risk. [00:19:00] Of hitting, publish and suddenly being faced with a feeling of inadequacy that you've been outmaneuvering for most of your adult life.
The bad news and the good news is that publishing a book is a vulnerable experience and it's. And it often catapults us straight toward the thoughts, feelings, and sensations We've been doing so much to avoid. Now, this is bad news because owie, but this is good news because sometimes it takes us being forced to confront our shit before we start that process.
That process, however, is the process for liberation. We can't be liberated from these confining fears. We never confront them. We can't heal pain that we never acknowledge
for authors. There is no safer, more low stake setting to bring those fears out into the open and to accept that pain is a necessary step [00:20:00] forward than writing our books. I'm sure you have experienced moments of this, whether you meant to or not, where you write a scene and it seems to flow right through you, and then on the page you see this truth that you've been hiding from.
It happens. This is why writing is such a powerful experience for the writer. When we fight the pain of seeing the truth laid out in front of us by us. We end up getting stuck, and one of the go-to tools for authors in fighting this pain is perfectionism. Just convince yourself that that first twinge of the pain you're avoiding is a signal that you're heading in the wrong direction, and then you can last pretty long without facing it, but eventually it catches up.
Eventually you end up trying to run the marathon with too much weight attached to your ankles. So if you're wondering what if I'm a perfectionist, I'll just say to you that whatever advantages you think perfectionism is offering you, you are wrong. [00:21:00] So let's start calling it what it is. An attempt to avoid pain that requires you to give up a piece of your perfectly imperfect humanity to continue avoiding that pain.
Perfectionism is a maneuver that separates you from whatever gloriously, messy and wild parts of yourself. You've incorrectly and hubristically labeled as imperfect. Don't accept any of the arguments of your perfectionism without challenging them. Don't give it an inch. You deserve to dance through life and live it wholeheartedly, and you can't do that while walking on eggshells.
The two things don't mesh. So my advice for authors who are perfectionists, you're not gonna like this, but make a mistake on purpose, right? If you see a mistake, just maybe let it sit there, right? Let it slide. See what happens. Probably nothing bad will happen, right? [00:22:00] Try breaking a rule. Try letting something go.
Sleep in a little, say the controversial thing and let it be someone else's problem for once. Remember, what's more important than your fear of messing up and how that fear is keeping you from what you believe to be important. You have to start challenging your perfectionism. You have to start. Running an experiment to see if this mistake you've been avoiding is actually the end of everything.
If you just let it go, if you're waiting for it to be comfortable to challenge your perfectionism, you will be waiting until you die. So do not expect it to be comfortable, but you can make it just a little uncomfortable. Find a place where it's just a little uncomfortable and start there. And most importantly, think of all the times you were imperfect and things still turned out all right.
If it's happened before, [00:23:00] maybe you don't need to worry so much about it happening again. Maybe just maybe the world is so complex and thriving that your screw ups won't bring everything you care about Crashing down. Maybe just maybe the things you've been considering. Your imperfections as an author are the things your readers love most about your work.
That's it for this week's episode. Thanks for joining me. I.
As a little practice what you preach moment. I'm gonna let this episode be imperfect. There was so much I wanted to talk about and whew, the impulse to go back and add things is certainly there and it's certainly strong. But what do I want more than that? What would I rather spend my time doing? Well, I'll tell you, I wanna take a break and go get myself a little sweet treat from the store before my next coaching session, so that's what I'm gonna do.
Peanut butter cups be perfectionism. Voila. I'm Claire Taylor. Thanks for joining me for What If [00:24:00] for Authors, and be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you remember to join me for the next episode. Happy writing.