THE LIBERATED WRITER COURSE

Introduction: Week 4

“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.” — Kurt Vonnegut, God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater

While you may not believe it, I have no desire to wear you down to a nub, emotionally speaking. There are a lot of tough-to-swallow truths hiding in the nine types, but ultimately the reason any of us bother with this work is the same: we want something better for ourselves. We want to live more fully, expressively, and wholeheartedly. We want to be free of unnecessary suffering and sturdy through the necessary suffering of life. We want to be more connected to ourselves and the world around us in this little time we have on Earth. 

This week is about getting yourself out of the box you’ve been living in by learning how we lift the lid, and what wonderful gifts are waiting for us when we do. 

All this Enneagram knowledge doesn’t amount to much more than a party trick if you don’t apply it to your writing career and your life. 

It’s through its many applications that it separates itself from the herd of personality labels that are fun to think about now and then, but not necessarily informative on how we can meaningfully use those labels to make our lives richer and more fulfilling. 

For instance, I’m an INTJ like many, many authors I’ve met. I’m also a Scorpio sun, Cancer moon, Pisces rising with my north node in Aries (yes, I know my natal chart, so I’m clearly not here to judge). But what about it? How do I use that to make business decisions like “Should I create a preorder for this book or not?” I’ve certainly never built my author strategy based on my Hogwarts house (Gryffindor, obviously). I wouldn’t know how, because none of those things show me what motivates me and how my precise fixed beliefs have been derailing me. 

Meanwhile, I’m also an Enneagram One. Now that is knowledge I can use, because it points me toward the nature of some of my most fundamental struggles in being a human in society. It also shows me the way out of those tangled challenges and provides tried-and-true techniques to successfully navigate an otherwise intimidating process. 

The Enneagram is not designed to put us in a box. It’s designed to get us out of the box we’ve constructed for ourselves.

Now that we know more about what our particular box looks like, let’s talk about how to get out. 

How do we grow?

Part of the trouble with doing growth work is learning to recognize what is growth and what is not. Increased productivity, for instance, is not necessarily growth, especially if the nature of your suffering is caused by a belief that you must be productive to be worthy, safe, or to matter. For a Nine, increased productivity can be a sign that they’re overcoming some of the patterns of neglect and detachment they struggle with. But for a Three, increased productivity can be a sign that they’re hitting the accelerator on patterns that come from wounding messages about their worth.

Similarly, building stronger boundaries around their writing might be a healthy expression of growth for a Two, but it’s sort of the opposite of what growth looks like for an Eight, whose boundaries tend to be more like 3-foot-thick stone walls.

That’s why writing advice that sells one way of being above all others is only helpful for some people. It will align with some growth path, but clash with others. It’s why your friend recommended that one self-help book, and reading it made you question your relationship with them and feel more than slightly queasy. 

Just like there’s no single direction to grow in, there’s no one way of growing in the direction we’re called toward. 

That’s why I stockpile a variety of exercises that help encourage Enneagram growth in the folks I work with. I pick and choose as the situation and person calls for it. However, beneath all of that, there’s a simple principle that will get anyone started on their brave quest to see what’s outside of the box they’re trapped in.

It’s this: Notice what is inside of the box. 

Once you settle on your type, notice the ways you default to the patterns of your type.

Each type has its own set of typical patterns that arise from the core motivations and where that directs one’s attention. However, you might not have all the patterns of the type, so identify which ones you do have. How has the information you let through your lens colored your perception of the world? What have you missed out on seeing?

Here are some examples to get you started:

Ones, look for where you’ve been attaching morality where it doesn’t belong. Check in with your use of the words “right” and “wrong” and notice how often you use them throughout your day. Perhaps there is no “right” way to do the thing you’re doing. Perhaps it’s only a matter of personal preference. 

Twos, look for where you’re neglecting your own needs. Have you moved from encouraging others to flattering them? Are you offering help because it’s needed or because you need to be needed? Notice how much you help others and how little you acknowledge your own needs. Does this seem like an even trade? Why would you require less than other people?

Threes, look at your to-do list. How much of that is essential and how much is on there to feed your habit of doing rather than being? When was the last time you paused to let a feeling in for as long as it needed? Notice the ways action and urgency help you avoid looking at failures head on. Would the world keep turning if you allowed yourself stillness?

Fours, look at what is. How much of your time is spent gazing inward and living in fantasy versions of the world and the people around you? Notice the ways you separate yourself from others in an attempt to feel superior or special. Is that helping you achieve the true intimacy you seek?

Fives, don’t just look, but feel and experience. How much knowledge and understanding are you depriving yourself of by isolating from others? How much are you missing from neglecting the knowledge of your heart and gut? Notice the ways you deprive yourself of riches by ignoring complexities to make reality fit your theories. Are you really more competent without the information from your heart and gut, and without strong connections with others?

Sixes, look at all the ways people show up for each other. How have your unending methods of testing the loyalty of the people around you guaranteed that you’ll always end up betrayed? Notice where you’ve been attaching the broad label of “ally” or “enemy” to people rather than seeing the complete person who holds some mutual interests and some diverging ones. Where have you been projecting your mistrust of self onto others? 

Sevens, look at what is right in front of you. Have you been letting a fear of missing out pull your attention away from what is satisfying in this moment? Notice the ways your restlessness keeps you in the future rather than the present. How have you built your life around the belief that you can’t rely on anyone else for your happiness? Have you been overlooking the richness of your life in your pursuit of novelty?

Eights, look at how much intensity you bring to each situation. Has a tendency to take the offensive as a way to defend your vulnerabilities invited more aggression from the outside world? Have you been attaching the labels of “strength” and “weakness” places where they don’t belong? Notice the forcefulness you use to protect the vulnerable and innocent parts of you. Has it protected them or suffocated them? How has your all-or-nothing approach to life controlled your decisions? What would happen if you let others take the lead? 

Nines, look at your sensitivity to conflict. How much of your energy is spent avoiding conflict and pretending it doesn’t exist? Notice the ways your avoidance only escalates situations with conflict and delays true peace and harmony. How long does your fear of conflict prevent you from identifying the right action to take and taking it? How does that contribute to the disharmony in your life and drive a wedge between you and others?

These are just a few of the patterns of each type.

Beatrice Chestnut’s book The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up lists even more patterns of the types to examine, if you want to take this reflection even further.

If you haven’t explored these questions for your type, they’re a great place to start. Even if you have explored them in the past, it might be time to revisit them. We can only ever see the outermost layer of a pattern, and when we peel that back, we see another. The conspiracy of our personality runs deep.

Exploring other types  

The purpose of exploring other types and their lenses isn’t to eventually become another type. You will always be your type, and no type is any better or worse than any other. But roleplaying as someone else with different motivations and gifts than you does have concrete benefits. It helps us see new options outside those our lens has historically let us see, and that is crucial because…

The way out of the patterns that got you into the mess is not kicking those patterns into overdrive.

Instead, try something else.

Are you a Four who’s stuck in the pattern of marketing your book somewhat, not getting the results you’d hoped for, and then pulling back to lick your wounds? The answer is not to kick that pattern into overdrive and lash out at others for not buying your book and supporting you or withdrawing even harder and vowing never to waste your time with marketing. Instead, step into another lens. Ask yourself “What would a Three do?” and try that as an experiment. Or “How would an Eight feel right now?” which can remind you that your feelings are not the only possible feelings in the situation, giving you some distance from them.

Try anything other than what you’re used to, basically. Disrupting the patterns is the easiest way to remember that you have options, that what you consider “reality” could be missing crucial information, and that you have the choice to do things differently.

Here come two questions from the Enneagram that offer you another context for the kind of contemplation that will open the lid to the box.  

Question 1: What did you most want in childhood?

Question 2: What is your approach for getting what you want?

These two questions are answered by your Enneagram type in such a way that… well, you’ll have some rehashing to do about some of the major decisions you’ve made in work, friendships, romance, parenting, and any other aspect of your life.

The answers to these questions present another larger question, in effect. But it’s a question that could illuminate such a well-worn and subconscious pattern in your life that you then have an easy way to try something new for fresh results and a fresh perspective on your career.

Let’s look at each of these questions and the answers for each type. 

Question 1: What did you most want in childhood?

In matters of the Enneagram, the answer to this question fits nicely into the following Triads: 2-3-4, 5-6-7, 8-9-1. You probably recognize those groupings as the heart-head-gut/body Triads (similarly, the shame-fear-anger and past-future-present Triads, respectively).

The three types in each of those groupings share a common thing that they wanted most in childhood and felt like they were missing. Subsequently, our attentional patterns solidified around need early in life and the water has flown down that path of least resistance since.

Types 2-3-4 wanted attention.

Types 5-6-7 wanted security.

Types 8-9-1 wanted autonomy.

If you know your type, you might already be able to look at your author business and spot some ways you've constructed it around meeting this childhood need. It’s not always obvious, because each type within a given Triad pursues this need in a different way, and sometimes the method actually looks like rejecting the unmet need, at least when it’s on offer from others.

The 8/9/1 that goes overboard with autonomy may feel lonely and stuck on an island, and they may burn out from trying to exert too much control over the chaotic external environment.

The 2/3/4 that goes overboard seeking attention may feel empty or end up attracting more negative attention than they can handle, and they may forget to differentiate the types of attention that fill them up.

The 5/6/7 that goes overboard with security may feel frantic from the impossible task of seeking 100% security, and they could miss out on deep relationships by protecting themselves too fiercely.

Question 2: What is your approach for getting what you want?

There are three approaches we can take for getting our needs met: assertive, compliant, and withdrawn.

However, these don't fall along the typical triadic lines like the unmet needs do, which is great luck for us, because it differentiates how each type within a Triad operates differently from the other two. 

Here are the approaches each type takes for getting their childhood need met:

Types 1-2-6 are compliant

Types 3-7-8 are assertive

Types 4-5-9 are withdrawn

This means that no two types share the same childhood desire and approach to getting that need met, which creates some fascinating possibilities (and is another way to help sort out which type you might be, conveniently enough).

The compliant/assertive/withdrawn groupings are called the Hornevian groups (named after Karen Horney), and I'll explain a little bit more about those because they're not as self-explanatory as the attention-security-autonomy groupings are.

Compliant types "move toward" others to get their need met. They’re sometimes called dutiful types. They use service, a sense of duty, and being responsible to those around them as a strategy for getting what they want. They believe they must earn their way into getting what they want.

Ones, Twos, and Sixes: How might you have incorporated this dutiful stance into the function and ethos of your writing business? Where are you giving with the unspoken expectation of receiving? Who do you believe holds the keys to your need? You are you trying to “earn” your need from? Are your attempts being adequately rewarded, or are you serving and complying disproportionately to your rewards? How might this be contributing to a lack of energy and negative feelings?

Assertive types "move against" others to get their need met. They don't trust that anyone else will meet their needs, so they "make it happen." 

Threes, Sevens, and Eights: How might you have incorporated this active "take what is yours" stance into the strategy of your writing business? Where might you be asserting yourself to meet your needs unnecessarily? Where might others already be trying to meet your needs that you’re ignoring? How might this assertive stance be burning energy that you don’t need to burn?

Withdrawn types "move away from" others to get their needs met. They build inner spaces where they can retreat to meet their own needs through distance from others. 

Fours, Fives, and Nines: How might your stance of withdrawing into yourself have kept you from confronting very real obstacles in your writing business? How might your withdrawing be depriving others of the opportunity to meet your needs for you? Where are you dampening your spark and missing out on sources of energy by making yourself unreachable to others?

Question 1 + Question 2

Here's where it gets really fun. When you combine these two pieces of the puzzle, you see a belief emerge in each type that has likely been steering the ship of our writing business whether we realize it or not.

Type 2: Attention + compliant = "Serving others will earn me the attention I desire."
Type 3: Attention + assertive = "Making myself impossible to ignore will guarantee me the attention I desire."
Type 4: Attention + withdrawing = "Creating distance from others will invite someone to discover me and give me the attention I desire."

Type 5: Security + withdrawing = "Creating distance from others will bring me security."
Type 6: Security + compliant = "Being dutiful to others will earn me security.”
Type 7: Security + assertive = "Chasing opportunities will guarantee me the security I desire.”

Type 8: Autonomy + assertive = "Exerting my will over everything will guarantee me the autonomy I desire.”
Type 9: Autonomy + withdrawing = "Retreating into myself will protect my autonomy."
Type 1: Autonomy + compliant = "Serving others responsibly will earn me the autonomy I desire."

When I learned about my type's combo, the first words out of my mouth were, "Well, shit."

The cool thing is that in bringing our attention to these underlying beliefs and how they play out in our writing business (aka recognizing the box we’re in), we can get to work remedying the situation (aka opening the lid and poking our head out). 

One thing we’ll want to consider, though, is if there is any amount of attention/security/autonomy that will fill your inner child’s need for it. Is your thirst unquenchable? What specific things do YOU require to start feeling like you are finally getting the attention/security/autonomy you seek? Is it realistic to expect those things from the world? Or solely from yourself? Should you have to earn them, and are your attempts at doing so even successful? And lastly, how can you, the adult, meaningfully fulfill that need of the child inside of you who felt deprived by the adults around them?

Asking these types of questions is the first step in the deep, lasting growth we’re all hoping for, but before that moment comes, you can start by looking at your career, seeing where the pattern of your type has dominated your decision making, and start looking at where you could test out different choices. 

You can’t expect fresh results without fresh patterns, after all. And you might be pleasantly surprised by what you discover through this experiment.

The Liberation point of our type is the north star for our roadmap of growth. It’s important to remember that this is not a road that you travel in a month, a year, or even a decade. The Enneagram is a map you will want to consult for the rest of your life. 

It’s natural, once you see the treasure waiting for you at the end, to want to rush there as quickly as you can (especially if you’re a Three, Seven, or Eight). So I’ll save you the trouble: you can’t rush this. You can certainly try, and you can certainly walk around like you’ve got it all figured out, but it won’t stick and the cracks will show through eventually. 

That this is a long process will be incredibly frustrating for some folks to hear, and if you’re one of those folks, I suggest you ask yourself what is behind that urgency. You might stumble on some interesting insight simply by asking what the big hurry is.

If at any point, you find yourself feeling like, I don’t have time for this shit, I ask you to consider what you do have time for and why you’re prioritizing that instead. How does it soothe your core fear or entice your core desire? 

Very few things in life are urgent. My personal rule is that if a tourniquet isn’t required, it’s probably not an emergency (being married to a first responder has its perks of exaggerated perspective). 

There are no writing and publishing emergencies. Sure, money, reputation, and lost time might be at stake here and there, but nobody will die. The price of being a brave author who takes the kinds of risks necessary for success is occasionally losing money, looking like a dumdum publicly, and investing time into things that don’t work out. I recommend not framing any of that as an emergency. It’s just part of the process. I like to think of the money I lose on dud promos, covers that don’t sell, and getting used to a new ads platform as “tuition.”

I understand that when living this belief, that nothing in an emergency, I occasionally frustrate people who demand I respond to their non-urgent email quicker or publish a book faster. That’s okay, because the frustration of others is still not my emergency, and life has taught me that when I rush, I regret it, and when I work too much just to keep up on email replies to impatient people, I regret that, too. Regret is a great tool for learning, if you pay attention to it!

I stand by the belief that nothing, and I mean nothing in writing and publishing is so urgent that I don’t have time to at least pause, breathe, check in with myself, and make a conscious decision of how to proceed. I believe the same will hold true for you.

Most urgency in our lives is completely fabricated. It’s the anxious mind’s way of distracting us from larger (and sometimes scary) truths. For fear of sounding preachy and overconfident about this, I’m open to hearing examples of writing and publishing emergencies that I might not have considered. 

(And now I’m imagining someone being crushed by a large pile of books. Okay, so there’s one publishing situation where a tourniquet might be required.)

But back to the map. The Enneagram includes a north star by which each type can navigate this lifelong journey. We call it the “virtues.” 

The Virtues

The virtues are not something that can be faked or forced, just like you can’t will yourself to the north star. But they are the worthy reward that comes our way like crumbs at first and then in much larger bites as we work to loosen the passion’s grip on us. 

The journey from passion to virtue becomes clear and almost obvious once you see it spelled out for the types. Consider yours, but also consider how each of the processes could apply to your life. 

(And again, you’re about to hear some typically religious language, so do your best to detach the stigma from it.)

Type 1: By dismantling your anger, you gain the virtue of serenity.

Type 2: By acknowledging your pride, you gain the virtue of humility. 

Type 3: By witnessing your deceit, you gain the virtue of truthfulness. 

Type 4: By addressing your envy, you gain the virtue of equanimity. 

Type 5: By relinquishing your avarice, you gain the virtue of non-attachment.

Type 6: By acting despite your anxiety, you gain the virtue of courage. 

Type 7: By releasing your gluttony, you gain the virtue of sobriety.

Type 8: By calming your lust, you gain the virtue of innocence. 

Type 9: By disrupting your neglect, you gain the virtue of action. 

I could spell out the more detailed journeys of each of these, but that would rob you of the meaningful contemplation that leads to growth. I’ve found contemplating and learning about the ways in which each of these passions has prevented me from experiencing the virtue to be an immensely rewarding undertaking.

That being said, there’s a good chance that you hold strong feelings about the virtue of your type. In many ways, it’s the opposite of your usual patterns, and in justifying those patterns, you might’ve diminished the importance of your corresponding virtue.

The Eight thinks, Innocence? What’s that got to do with anything? How could something so weak be virtuous? More like foolish. Or the Five thinks, Please, I’ve read all about non-attachment. It’s a nice concept, but nothing life-changing. 

Or maybe you look at the word and think, But what does that mean exactly? The Seven starts asking, Sobriety? Does that mean I can’t have a beer with friends if I ever want to experience my virtue? Or the Two thinks, Are you kidding me? How am I not humble? I work my fingers to the bone to be a humble servant for everyone, and what thanks do I get for it?

A negative reaction or a dismissal of our virtue is relatively common, is what I’m saying. But I’ve never seen someone regret further investigation of theirs. 

Our lives are calling us to give our virtues a shot, and the only way to get there is by addressing our Passion.

If you want to experience and integrate growth, there are no shortcuts. You cannot “hack” this. You will be uncomfortable, you will feel emotions you’ve never allowed yourself to feel, you’ll dislodge absolutely bonkers ideas about yourself that are shrapnel from your childhood, and you will come out on the other side of each of these things with a new appreciation of yourself and the world around you.

Because you’ll be dealing with some things you’ve avoided for a long time, I cannot recommend enough that you get a support system in place. Open a dialogue about your work with the people who love you most, find a solid therapist (if it’s in your budget; if it’s not in your budget, consider prioritizing it as a budget item for a while), build healthy habits to fall back on. We weren’t meant to do this alone. And however much support you think you need, double it.

That being said, if you want out of the box, at the end of the day, you’re going to have to open the lid yourself. 

Week 4 Reflection Questions:

(Pro-tip: draft your responses on a text document to avoid accidentally refreshing this page and losing your work.)